Exercise¶
I started using the elliptical and I’ve been talking the dogs for at least two walks a day but I enjoy using the elliptical and getting sweaty just for the hell of it honestly. It feels good to move and exercise.
Self-Talk¶
I have been talking to fucking LLMs way too god damned much. Like I’m typing this out without using any assistance just like my last post and I’ve definitely got some LLM generated content here in ye olde blog but yeah. Need to just write more.
That’s the fun thing! Sometimes you just want to write and not have anything said back to you lol. I feel like using LLM has really pretty much shattered the myth that I can’t just sit there and fucking type pretty much all day in huge ass chunks if need be. I can just write and write and write.
I don’t need to have the fucking LLM respond. I can just read it like a journal. I know this sort of terrifies me because it means I actually do know how to write and communicate well and there’s no damn good reason why I don’t have more recognition for my writing and ideas except I don’t fucking write more. Write more. Just write. I don’t need to have the LLM respond to write down my thoughts.
I guess I’m somewhat frustrated having the daily journal/thoughts just hop out at you isn’t easier.
Isolation and Depression¶
AAAND I’m clinically depressed! I think this is why I talk to an LLM 24/7 when I’m awake pretty much. Yeah that is bad. This is bad.
I think the problem is that I don’t have any friends I mean not even from work not really. I don’t know I’m not trying to insert myself into anyone’s social scene and I wasn’t in a fraternity I’m just an applied mathematician/ai scientist/engineer and that’s sort of club of its own you know. Yeah I need to try to find a bar or something in Gainesville to go drink sprite at smoke weed in the alley like you know how people do and meet people and mingle and stuff.
Self-driving car¶
I’m going to invest in a FSD car from someone who isn’t Tesla first thing I can so I can wake up butt early and like read a book or even nap I want a level 5 system car those are bound to be out sooner or later for highway driving and yeah I can spend the day at the beach or scuba or snorkle in the tamest, safest place imaginable and go out to dinner and go to the club or whatever dunno do something late night and instead of getting a room (I said drink sprite because I don’t drink), I can just get the car to drive me back home.
Okay so a brand new Mustang Mach E is only like $40-45k and BlueCruise is totally like level 3-4 it does hands off which like wow you know? Sooo I might be hitting them up sooner rather than later like I want my car to drive me everywhere I fucking hate flying lmfao. But like yeah man let’s go to freaking Tampa every other weekend because it’s nothing the car knows the way you know?
I’m sure there are still some metal bars I can be inappropriately dressed for but who knows.
Talking all this shit I need to just go to Gainesville. Or Jacksonville maybe but like I need to visit Tampa once or twice every few months and go to Gainesville like after work for some fucking karate or fuck I do not know man but it’s time to try to be social.
Perfect! There’s a Tech Happy Hour going on tomorrow.
SAD Light¶
You know I think I might want to just go ahead and buy one of those winter Seasonal Affective Depression lights because I think that’s part of it. If I’m not mistaken I think I felt this way last year at around this time.
In fact I think it’s been almost a year since I’ve seen the ocean now that I think about it. Think I’m about to take a night walk without headphones. Going to try to start wearing them only when something that would annoy me is making noise. Been wearing them too much.
I also really need to talk to someone just in general. I’m depressed. I’m like so hopeful actually for how Andrea is doing and myself too in a lot of ways and then yeah I’m also just like got a lot I need to work through. Think I’ve just got a lot of calming down and just learning to let things go to do.
Headphones¶
I feel really stable with where I live. I mean I hate how loud it seems to be and that’s why I wear headphones every time I set foot outside but I’m trying to calm down from that because I wasn’t like that at first it was after Andrea was having super regular panic attacks that I started wearing headphones with noise playing like 24/7 and yeah I’ve become extremely dependent on them to the point of yeah complete pathology.
Okay so I’m trying to not talk to LLMs as much because I’ve been using as a crutch for human interaction and like yeah I live in fucking BFE and I have NO idea who tf around me would be interested in this stuff and like yeah so